Star Trek:

"That's me in the corner That's me in the spotlight, I'm Losing my religion."
-- "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M.

Call it "Star Wreck."

My expectations have been shattered. Tattered. Battered.

This latest version of the Trek movie franchise reminds me of two things: a very depressing conversation I had with a film major in college and the first three "Star Wars" films (to be clear, episodes I, II, and III).

I had great expectations for the J.J. Abrams’ "Star Trek." After all, there have to be many fans who literally grew up with the franchise. How could they not know of the Xindi, Species 8472, Q Space, the Borg Continuum, the Temporal Police, the Metrons, and the wonders of being "out there"? "

J.J. Abrams Star Wreck" reminds me of "Frat Guy," a film major at Temple University during my college days. Frat Guy said there are only five plots to ALL movies:
1. boy meets girl ("let’s be friends")
2. the road movie (a "quest" or "venture" to find the one great ring of power or sword of glory)
3. "defeat the monster" (self-explanatory)
4. "poor boy or girl falls in love with rich woman or man, etc." and their life changes forever
5. "best friends" (buddy cops, prisoners who escape and must stick together, etc.).

Legendary actor Alec Guinness, speaking to a major magazine at the completion of his 1977 "Star Wars" role as Obi Wan Kenobi, lamented how completely hideous the movie’s dialog was, how wooden the story, and how incompetent the plot. Perhaps he was thinking ahead, to some universe even further away, maybe even in some distant time: like, for instance, "Star Trek XI?"

Actually, compared to "Star Wars I, II, and III," the episodes with Guinness were not that bad. I can’t count how many times I yawned through I-III – that should never happen.

Problem is, the writers of Star Wreck can’t tell the difference between "Wars" and "Trek," and there are MAJOR differences!

Sadly, it would appear Trek XI writers have taken a page from Frat Guy’s movie manual. If they think this "Star Trek" is as good as scriptwriting can get, we’re all doomed. And we’re not coming back anytime soon. In my worst nightmare come true, I imagine this script writing scenario as they sit around a table, gulping down Red Bull and discussing the plot:

"Hey, what’s up, Dude?"
"What’s hanging?"
"Hey, Trek."
"Yeah, what’s up?"
"OK, we gotta go back in time, see, to the beginning. That’s all we know, right? And we gotta see where it all started, like, like ‘Star Wars’ did, you know, dude? Like create the beginning. Like get inside their heads, right?"
"Right. Except let’s blow it all up!"
"Awesome!"
"Yeah, that way we can wipe the map clean and do our own thing!"
"Awesome!"
"And we love ‘Star Wars,’ I mean, what’s the difference, ‘Star Wars,’ ‘Star Trek,’ they got aliens and blasters--"
"Phasers, Dude."
"OK, blasters, phasers, what’s the diff. . . ."

No sense of history. Absolutely no sense of what came before. They lost the religion of what came before.

Instead of phasers, we have blasters. We have a banal, unimaginative script; a stereotyped "evil villain" episode for the 10th time; stereotyped characters, especially the "bad boy" Captain; comic book science (the original Star Trek would have taken great pains to AVOID being a comic book story to create a history and meaning of that explosive material, "red matter," and in this, it was just another comic book gizmo).

I left the theater wanting my refund.Wanting it desperately. Thinking of Frat Guy and a golden opportunity squandered. Shattered. Battered.

My wife was not overly thrilled with the idea of going to the movie, preferring instead a concert by music artist Richard Marx, scheduled the same time. As the credits rolled and the lights came up, she had three candid comments. Why the gratuitous sex scene? (My wife’s pet peeve is lazy writers and comedians who use sex to sell stuff). How could Uhura and Spock instantly become romantically involved with no story line leading up to it?

Finally, she commented that it seemed like a "Star Wars" movie and noted again that she could have "seen Richard Marx instead." A comment, I might add, she reminds me of on an almost daily basis.

Losing my religion and my belief in Star Trek is not good. Many people grew up with a love for SF because of "Trek." There is a sequel planned. More of the same? I sure hope not.