Thereby Hangs A Tail:

THEREBY HANGS A TAIL, by Spencer Quinn. Atria Books/Simon & Schuster, Inc. (wwwsimonandschuster.com), 2010, 309 pp., $25.00. ISBN 978-1-4165-8585-5.

There’s a great scene at the end of Jane Austen’s PRIDE & PREJUDICE where Mr. Darcy asks Elizabeth Bennet for her hand in marriage.  Elizabeth turned him down on his first attempt, and none too kindly to boot, but Darcy goes out on a limb and asks a second time.  Elizabeth replies, “My feelings…my feelings are so different.  In fact, they are quite the opposite.”  Whereupon millions of women swooned around the globe!

Unlike Elizabeth, you don’t have to ask me twice.  My feelings for Spencer Quinn’s second installment of the Chet and Bernie Mystery Series are “Quite The Same.”  So much so that I briefly considered just saying “See Book One.”  But that would be cheating. 

So what’s the same? Well, once again, Quinn serves up one doggone delightful tale.  In this installment, Chet and Bernie investigate the abduction of Princess, the show dog.  Along the way, they run head on into a cast of shady characters.  And then Susie Sanchez, Bernie’s love interest, goes missing too. 

Quinn’s Chet and Bernie Mystery Series is two for two on delivering a top-notch, edge-of-your seat suspense story.

However, some things that remain the same, would, in my opinion, be better off changed.  In both the previous book, DOG ON IT, and this edition, the book features two of my personal pet peeves: swear words and gratuitous suggestive scenes, in this case what appears to have become the standard naked woman scene, both of which the book could do just fine without.

I’m humming along, having a grand old time reading the book.  Then, I turn the page and run smack into the “F” word.  Ugh.  Like hitting a brick wall at high speed.

Then, in another scene, Chet and Bernie go to the missing Susie’s apartment and find Susie’s former boyfriend Dylan there.  By gosh, wouldn’t you know it, Dylan’s not alone.  His current flame, fiancée Vanessa, just happens to make an appearance.  Naked.  Even when she realizes they have company, she just stands there, feebly trying to cover up while holding a conversation with the group.

Now, I don’t know about you, but IF (and it’s a big if) I happened to walk into a room naked, only to find strangers there, rest assured I’d back out quickly.  Really quickly.  I tend to think that’s what most people would do.  So, the question of the hour is, why?

Not to belabor the point, but perhaps it’s because I’m a women, I find this gratuitous suggestive stuff really annoying.  Can you imagine the scene in reverse with Dylan in the nude?  No.  Men never do this stuff to other men.  It’s just dumb -- and pretty unrealistic.

I said it in my first review.  I’ll repeat it AGAIN.  Why ruin a good story with gratuitous garbage?  Take it out and see if the story still flies.  (Betcha it does.) And then leave it out!

The Chet and Bernie Mystery series is overall a grand read. Could be a good movie or TV series too.  So don’t make me beg!  Stop tossing us bad bones.  Give us a real treat -- keep it clean and make it pleasurable for all!